Update...

Here I sit at yet another doctors appointment. I have had appointments every day this week. Surgery is on Monday I am a bit nervous but I know all will go well. I guess I will be staying at least overnight. I think that is a good thing, but I will still be going home with a drain in my neck. If when the doctor opens me up and sees that I need the right lobe taken out as well as my left I guess they will just do that as well. It is nice to know that a diseased part of my body will be removed, damn thyriod. I hope after it is removed that I will feel some ease of symptoms that thyriod disease will cause. My levels have been up and down and all over the place, that could have caused my weight gain, tiredness and anxiety and depression along with many other things. It sure has been a roller coaster of a ride, maybe this surgery will settle some things down.

I was sent a letter the other day from a GI doctor that is doing clinical trials of a new crohns disease medication. Apparently the trial will run for 16 weeks. And if I qualify and participate, I will be reimbursed $250 for my time. I figured why not do it if it may be able to help my crohns and eventually other people. All it will mean is more doctors appointments, so I will be consulting with the doctor today. I will let you know what happens.

I went to a new pain management doctor yesterday. He seemed like a nice guy. He once again diagnosed me with fibromyalgia. The test hurts so bad. He placed pressure on 18 pressure points, and 16 out of 18, were very painful, I almost cried by the time he was done. He referred me to a physical therapist, recommending warm pool therapy. I am kinda excited about that, I set up my appointment with them, but might have to reschedule due to surgery recovery. He is also going to try injections in my back. I have had these before with my previous pain management doctor. The first worked very well and helped for a couple of months, but the second didn't seem to work at all. I don't know what the new injections will do or if they are similar to what was done before. But I figure it is worth a try. He is also going to treat my pain, more than likely with narcotics. My pain has been so bad it will be great to have some sort of relief. He did say he refused to treat my pain from the crohns disease. That is a catch 22, because when my symptoms flare the abdominal pain is so great, it is hard not to have some kind of fast acting pain relief.

I have been lectured by every doctor about my weight. I am at the biggest I have ever been and I am very humiliated by it. Because of my pain and depression I have not been very active. I think some of my medications and my thyriod might have something to do with it. But I am trying not to make excuses and take responsibility for my weight. I have been overweight my whole life. It really effects my self esteem. I am trying to watch what I eat now and urging myself to be more active. I know my weight has a lot to do with my health issues, I am not dumb. But it is still hard feeling like a failure, knowing that I have done this to my body. I need to change it and really work on it, instead of just thinking it will change on its own, I am tired of letting my weight and my body ( illnesses and such) getting me down. It is not who I am. My weight should not define me but unfortunately I let it.