Painting nails...letting go of the past...

You know you have had a boring day when all you feel you have accomplished is painting your nails... ugh I know this fact of my life is very, very sad. I did paint my nails with the kids though, I guess you could call it quality mom and daughter time. Seriously that is all I accomplished today. Victoria and I spent all afternoon listening to music, then we all decided to paint our nails before dinner. I love spending time with my daughters, they help me to enjoy the little things in life.

Someone I knew a long time ago came back into my life via facebook. We parted ways about 15 years ago, and the parting didn't go so well. I had a lot of anger and disappointment. But we both moved on with our lives and let a good friendship pass us by. Now after having been talking to him again, it seems the friendship is still there. Or at least it is trying to be. I really think this will be interesting to see how this turns out on a personal level. Either way I tend to think the old wounds are trying to heal. It is amazing when after so long, when someone says they are sorry and that they made a mistake, how easy the healing process can take over.

So herein lies letting go of the past. I don't know why it is I hold on to so many things. Maybe it is because I am an emotional being, I always have been. I don't believe I can ever forgive and forget, but forgive and move on sounds like a reasonable option. So if I can do that in regards to my relationships with others can I forgive myself and move on with my life? I guess that is what I am trying to learn how to do. 

Since I got sick and could no longer work I started blaming myself for all that went wrong in my life. OK I guess I blamed myself for everything even before then, but after I started tearing myself down even more. I used to live by the motto that things happen for a reason, I still want to believe that, but I seem to ask why way too much. I guess I always will. Is it wrong to ask why, and still try to be happy? 

Several years ago I decided all I wanted out of life was harmony. Like a symphony I wanted all aspects of my life to blend together in beautiful melody. But now I understand that harmony does not happen without work. I can't just wish for harmony and have it happen, I have to put in the effort. So letting go of the past needs to be one of my many steps. Moving on and enjoying painting nails with my daughters. Breathing everyday, laughing, loving, singing and even crying, but most of all living.