Problems...

My problems are defiantly obstacles in my life, though I need to rewire my thinking and make them opportunities. When a problem arises my anxiety and fear kick in. I don't automatically switch to problem solving mode like it used to. I am a "what if" girl, so my mind wanders to the negative all the time. When that happens I start my downward spiral of anxiety and depression and fear. What if the problem can't be solved? What if the problem won't go away? What if the problem creates more problems?

Let take an example and explore how I react to a certain issue that has been in my life. For instance a big problem right now is the state of my family's financial status. I have not been able to work for over four years and in that time my husband has worked off and on, we have had no steady income. This has resulted in loosing our home and living in a homeless shelter over a period of six months. It was a rough time being there but we persevered and make it through. We finally got a place to live with a bit of assistance, well it was a lot of assistance they helped us with six months of rent. When the time came that the assistance ran out we still didn't have a job. The huge problem of trying to figure out a way to pay rent came up. I tossed and turned at night and made myself sick. I would have panic attacks and suffer from chronic headaches along with all my other aches and pains. I went through a lot of fear thinking that we would fail again and have to find ourselves back at the shelter. The shelter was not really a good experience, and finding my family back there was a scary thought. My husband found a way to take care of rent for the month but until steady employment is found, that fear is still fresh in my mind.

Now how do I rewire this fear and anxiety and "what if's". I think rewiring is all about your outlook and perspective of things. If I could just focus on what I learned while in the homeless shelter and how much I grew, then maybe the fear wouldn't be so strong. Of course I don't want to go back there, I would never wish that on anyone. But we learned so much while we were there. Now my husband has had many good applications put in, and a couple of great interviews.  I know in my heart everything will be OK but there are still the fears, I have a unending fear of failing, I need to try and get that into perspective too.

I believe among a lot of things that we are here on this earth for reason, and that reason is to be tested. How are we to be tested if we encounter no problems? I believe the problems and challenges I face in life, weather they are my illnesses, my finances or whatever else may come my way, are part of refining me and will only make me a better person after the trials are over. So in a sense my problems become opportunities to better myself. If we face a problem head on we will learn and grow from it, it really is all about perspective and outlook. That really is something I am trying to learn. As I learn how to change my outlook on life I will accept my challenges as test I have to take to make me a better person. I am stronger in many ways because of the issues I have faced. I am weaker too, but only because I have not worked hard enough to deal with the things that have made me weak.