I have not really written for a long time here it is over a month since my last post and almost two since any updates. I guess I just lost myself again. On the 31st of January I went to the hospital to have the left side of my thyroid taken out. The surgery went well, but my lungs didn't want to recover from anesthesia. I was only suppose to stay overnight but ended up being there for four days. I think the pain meds I was on had a lot to do with it. The scar was painful at first and the left side of my neck was pretty tender. Even to this day I get varied numbness on my neck. But I am healed and even off of the oxygen after being sent home on it for a few weeks.
My dear husband started a new job and he seems to love it. He is in his third week and I am so proud of him. I fear that I might be the one to make him quit because he is worried about me. I know that is a dumb thought but there are times when I am not stable by myself. My anxiety kicks in and I get so overwhelmed and sick. I try to remember the times when I was more than this. I feel like some crazy hermit woman, paranoid of even the mailman. I think with him gone I put so many expectations on myself that maybe I shouldn't. I will be the first to admit that he has been taking care of the kids and I for years, I have slacked off in my responsibilities as a mother, wife and housekeeper. Now he is gone I need to dig deep and get it done, even when there are times I don't feel like I can do it.
On March 17th I went before a Social Security Judge to try once again to get my disability. I didn't even talk to the judge, he swore me in and then gave a fully favorable decision. So now I just wait for it to be processed, and I will be bringing in some money too. I should be jumping for joy, but now I just feel disabled. I guess I always thought that I would be able to go back to work someday, but now I know that is not going to happen. I am just thankful for the little things though. Now I can focus on being that stay at home mom and wife and "work on myself" like everyone has said. What ever that means. I guess I will go ponder that...how do I work on myself?
About Me
- Angie Christiansen
- Ogden, Utah, United States
- I feel deeply, almost too deep. The emotions I wear on my sleeve are not always the ones that I should show. I write because I can. I may not be good at it and some of it may not even make sense. But one day my four daughters can look back on my words and say "Yep that was my mom, deep, thoughtful, silly and full of nonsense!"
