I should have cooked dinner...

This evening my husband had a job interview. I was here with the kids and let time slip by without thinking about dinner. Well I thought about it but when I went to go find something to make I got nauseated, and since the kids weren't complaining about being hungry I shrugged it off. So my husband gets home after a long bus ride and is frustrated at the kids instantly and asks what I made for dinner, and seems mad at me because I failed to make something. I instantly felt like a bad mom and an even worse wife. I know I should have made dinner, and I am sorry I didn't. Why has this got me so down?

I attended a group therapy session today. It is a Dialectical Behavior Therapy class. We talked about distress tolerance. First we discussed the ways our body naturally uses anxiety and fear, and also how the body naturally calms down from these things. In this day and age we tend to not reach that let down phase of our natural reactions, or stress keeps us in a constant state of anxiety. And when we don't get release from that anxiety we begin to do many things such as, sleep to much, eat too much, take more pills, abuse alcohol or drugs, isolate, hang on to things we should let go, get aggressive or overly passive, just to name a few. The symptoms can be great. So we have to learn how to cope with our stress. Notice I didn't say manage stress, coping with stress is different. When we use distress tolerance skills we help our body reach that natural let down phase.

So there are many ways to improve the moment.  We listed 7 ways in class that we can utilize. They are; The half smile, half smile and notice your surroundings. Positive self talk, tell yourself you are beautiful. Genuine hello, greet someone or meet someone new. Define your purpose, find the meaning, purpose or value in pain or anxiety. Honesty, be honest with yourself and with others. Self care, take a nice bath, do something to make you feel better. 20 minute time out, take time to breathe, give yourself a brief vacation. 


So over the anxiety I got for not cooking dinner and perhaps getting my husband angry at me ( i know it sounds so 50's housewife, it really isn't) I came here for my 20 minute time out. I really didn't know what else to do. Did it work, I am not sure yet.